Interview with Rev. Norb of Boris the Sprinkler, conducted a damn long time ago.
Norb: Sadly, no — and i don’t even think we’ve even reached maximum suckitude, which would be a lame consolation pinnacle, yet a pinnacle nonetheless. By my calculations, “Suck” is maybe the 538th best album of all time, which is vaguely respectable, given the monumental output of albumage emitted since the dawn of recorded music, yet, when one stops to think about it, hardly the type of success that one feels satisfied holding up for public scrutiny as one’s “life’s work.” Feh. Brilliance and success are overrated. Monotony and toil are where it’s at!!!
!upstarter: In your opinion who is the greatest band of all times of any genre?
Norb: Wait, wait, i don’t understand the question, is it “the greatest band of all time,” and genre be damned, or “the greatest band of any given genre, your choice of genre?” If A, then i guess i am still forced to say the Ramones, although the atrocities perpetrated by this band in recent times have set me to occasionally contemplate if the title shouldn’t revert to its previous owner, the Beatles. If B, then i will say, without fear or favor, that the Stray Cats were quintessentially the #1 eyeliner-wearin’ eighties rockabilly revival fag band, of the eyeliner-wearin’ eighties rockabilly revival fag genre, but, now that i think about it, that’s probably not what you were asking.
!upstarter: Are the kids really all right?
Norb: Hell no. The kids are all wrong! Don’t listen to Pete Townsend, he’s from England and drives his car on the wrong side of the street, so everything he says should be interpreted backwards.
!upstarter: So, Sheena’s got a Microwave. What kind of microwave is it?
Norb: It’s a walk-in. She got it at War Surplus.
!upstarter: I haven’t lived in Wisconsin in a long time, how’s the scene in the Green Bay area?
Norb: Little by little, people are gravitating towards worse and worse bands. It has gotten so bad that somebody actually had the gumption to write “LAGWAGON” on the wall above the urinal at Taco Bell #2676 in the Port Plaza Mall, Green Bay, Wisconsin,where i dine frequently. I took my marker in there one day and fixed it, though. It now says “FAGWAGON.”
!upstarter: Now that you are on Go Karts Records is it fair to day that Bulge Records will be no more, or is there plans for more Bulge releases?
Norb: Actually, there will be a 45 of unreleased Angry Samoans stuff from 1978, “I’m In Love With Your Mom” b/w “Too Animalistic” (diff. version than the one that was released), and hopefully a Figgs 45 as well. Plus, our deal w/Go-Kart was only for one record, so our next one might very well be back on Bulge. Whoo! Shameless self-demotion!
!upstarter: A little Wisconsin trivia for ya. What beer made Milwaukee Famous?
Norb: Wasn’t it Schlitz??? Anyway, i thought it was Da Crusher what made Milwaukee famous?
!upstarter: If you were in Stoughton on May 17th, what holiday would you get roped into celebrating?
Norb: Feast of the Buttfucked Hodag?
!upstarter: Who are you going to be touring with in support of the new CD and when are you hitting the West Coast?
Norb: No and no, in that order.
!upstarter: Well, Norb I’ve got to be going I appreciate your time and effort. Keep on keepin on etc…
Norb: Our bass player and drummer quit, and were replaced with our original bass player and drummer. Be very afraid.