Endwell [Homeland Insecurity]

Endwell – Homeland Insecurity (c) 2006 Victory RecordsEndwell? It doesn’t even start well. Jimmy says, �It’s like they have all this mello music with someone screaming over it. If you’re gonna be screaming like that have the music to support it. It’s top heavy. Jerry Actually says, �This CD is pointless and pissed. Every time you listen to this CD god kills a kitten and Jebus cries. I give it 18 thumbs down. Eject. Sincerely,Team !upstarter

Moros Eros

Moros Eros – I saw the devil last night … (c) 2006 Victory Records !upstarter team member Krystal says that she likes the cover art. The CD starts well (66% opinion). But let me tell you a story about a little band called Modest Mouse. You are them. Get a style, emulators! After track one, it is all down hill. Save your bucks and buy something else. Hell stock up on ramen instead, ’cause if you like this you are obviously a jobless loser. All thumbs down. With sympathy, Team !upstarter

Spitalfield

Spitalfield – Better Than Knowing Where You Are (c) 2006 Victory RecordsRiding Rick Springfield’s coattails straight to hell, Spitalfield brings a weak attempt at emotainment. It could sure as hell get a lot better than this. Fuck this whiney pussy rock. If this CD were toilet paper, I wouldn’t even wipe my ass with it. I bet that 14 year old girls would like this, if they had mental problems. Perhaps you could use the proceeds from this record and get some testosterone implants and maybe grow a collective set. Then again I think a large portion of the world would be happier if you just quit.Love Team !upstarter

Bad Lieutenants

Bad Lieutenants – Every Time I Come Around (c) 2006 Teenage Heat RecordsWOW – I've heard a lot of bad things.  This is the worst crap that I've heard.  I'm a bit beside myself.  Try to find something worse, I dare you.  Part Tesco, part Danzig, All crap. Completely derivative. I realy tried to give it a chance. I almost want to listen to main stream after this.  I'm dissapointed.  Did you read my other reviews before you sent this? I dare you to come to town. ok the gauntlet has been thrown down. Rock, I dare you!–Jerry Actually 

Mute Math

Mute Math – S/T (c) 2006 Warner Bros.This new Sting album is ok I guess. Wait, I mean this new U2 album is well, U2. Wait, is this Oasis? I have no freakin idea where Mute Math is coming from, other than New Orleans. I feel bad for the city of New Orleans. I really do. Aside from all of the other current problems, it has apparently been taken over by musical looters too. The brand new self-titled CD from Mute Math offers 13 tracks and 1 intro of insipid blandia. Mute Math is so new rock radio (yet at the same time sublty adult contemporary) friendly it makes me want to pull the ears off my head and stomp on them. Eventually all of this will be new Muzak.-Jerry Actually 

Breaking Benjamin

Breaking Benjamin – Phobia (c) 2006 Hollywood RecordsTrack one: Shitty intro, Track two: The Diary of Jane. You have heard the rest of the album already, you just don't know it yet. Take most of the bands you have heard on modern rock garbage radio ( Stained, Creed, Fallout Boy, Pan Full! of Crisco) and just kind of smash them all together until a bastard child emerges. Here he is! Breaking Benjamin. While I found most of the cover art and photography pleasing to my eyes, I can't say so much for my poor little ears. NO! NO! Don't break a Benjamin. Don't event break a Washington. Krystal Tolle

City Sleeps

City Sleeps – Hotel (c)2006 Maverick RecordsCity Sleeps – Freaking Ugggh. I am sick to the flippin' gills of whiney 'cry me a river' rock. Remember back in the day when Maverick was courting bands like Rancid? Maybe things would have been different then. Instead Maverick is so blighted that they list the Austin Powers soundtrack as a band in their roster. Hotel is music made by whiners for people who like to whine about how whiney music rocks. Oh, and rip off Brain May just once and people will claim that you're like the next Queen.

The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus – Don't You Fake It (c) 2006 Virgin Records The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus brings about more emo-esque pretty-haired new metal pablum. I really hope to never have to listen to this CD again. It reeks with banality and is about as insipid as anything else you're going to hear on new rock radio. I suspect that one of two things is going on. 1. People really like this type of music. Ok, bully for you. Rock on with your lame self. 2. People are convinced that this is what they are supposed to like. Ok, bully for you too. Bottom line, get a set!

Hoobastank

Hoobastank – Every Man For Himself (c) 2006 Island RecordsWow, this really sucks! Hoobastank has all the derivative qualities of a korn and limp bizkit wanna be band. They sound like somebody at the label hand picked them to be in a 'band' in order to cash in on a dying genre. Oh well, to each their own I guess. Somebody has to suck. I'm just glad it aint me this time. 

Stereotactic

Stereotactic – The Dawning  © 2005 Avebury Records Stereotactic, hailing from the dusty desert plains of Bakersfield, CA –home to the likes of Buck Owens, Korn and Philo Beddoe–is a 4 piece emo/metal band with a remarkable facsimile like quality. The Dawning is the bands first full length after their regionally successful self-released EP. Sadly it boils down to the pop-emo-metal that I just can't stand. I forced myself to listen to about half of the CD before I wanted to rip it out of the player and smash the crap out of it. Though the band has reasonable musicianship, the talent falls upon deaf ears. The basic principle being, "Just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should." The songs are all fully geared for the sterile sanitized realm of commercial rock radio and are comprised of pretty much all the things you've heard before–The crap I don't want to hear again.